Final Countdown
August 14, 2007
Shout it from the rooftops, the mighty Lion Cricket Club has made the Plate Final! Bring your wives, girlfriends, farmyard animals, pets, golfing buddies, lapdancers, work colleagues, random strangers in pubs and russian brides….
Forget all about jellybeans and Ryan Sidebottom’s hair, Monty’s batting average and Kevin Pietersen’s fatigue. Bushey Park. 3.30pm (I think, check with Martyn!) on Sunday. Whether you’re playing or just selected as chief cheerleader and general beer drinker, it would be a crime against humanity and probably contribute to global warming if you aren’t there to support us.
Guilt trip over. A few facts. In the history of the Lion CC (formerly the Crown CC, formerly the Waldegrave Arms CC), never has a captain, having dropped himself for Lion cricketing duty, won a game from the comfort of his underground laboratory in Kew.
Quite how Martyn managed to persuade the Haymarket captain that we did not in fact only have a team of five and were not a metaphorical sitting duck, I’ll never know. Using some strange sort of voodoo mind control learnt from the Gaboo-boo tribe in Patagonia, he summoned the weather gods to unleash a soggy torrent upon Teddington which prompted the oppo to cry off for both today, tomorrow and any such Sunday shenanigans.
One can only guess what prompted this alarming volte face but by threatening to publish Balders’ business card in every Haymarket publication, I’m fairly sure MP freaked them out. NB: Not knowing quite what shenanigans went on behind the scenes, hoorah for any machiavellian gamesmanship stand-in skipper Dommy played in this marvellous turn of events for the Lion.
We play either the Masons or the Fox on Sunday for a glittering £250,000 cricket ball made out of marshmallow.
Now it is rare for me to print a retraction of any kind on this blog…preferring instead to trust my lawyers (Brar Worldwide, Mumbai). But I must apologise…
Not for mocking most of the Lion squad of 376 over these past weeks but for the shocking presumption that we had finished 7th in the League. This, of course, is an enormous porky. Speaking of which, Balders forwarded some hot women he met online he has been frequenting…
I digress. We actually finished 6th and by nature of our shot at the Plate title, could finish in 5th! Exciting I know, deep breaths…
So, make sure you’re available (Pete Carey, Twickenham can do without any of your century nonsense for an afternoon I’m sure) and if you fail to make the cut, pop down for a squad photo and plenty of drinking…
As Dom might say…..
