Lion CC v Prince’s Head 2008

Having noted the obvious need to chronicle the courageous Lion’s cricketing fortunes throughout the season, the Lion CC blog is temporarily reactivated. I write this from the 7th floor of a tower block embedded in the bowels of Archway, North London, on a bright Friday morning. The office is temporarily quiet, allowing me to concentrate on the highly competitive game this week against the PH.

The result was on a knife edge right up until Stewart the Kilted Midget spooned a catch in the gloom and we lost by the minimal amount of about 100 runs. Our resident statto Dr Martyn Monty Don Powell has not revealed the scorecard as yet – and I feel he never will, having been winkled out of his crease by a deceptive delivery from a chap called Plum.

Interestingly, I asked the bowler - as he set about filleting our top order - why he had got his fruity misnomer (given that he was clearly not a piece of fruit.) In the true tradition of PH daringness, his surname is Plummer. However, he assured me it was not because his testicles were red. He actually said that. To which I replied, “Erm, good to know…” – a reply that I suspect has portrayed me as a rampant homosexual.

I digress. We started late given that we only had 6 or 7 Lionettes – with Balders being chauffeured to the game by our keeper, Ramps, after the hairest player in world cricket had deigned to disembark from a perfectly good 281 bus. We were a tad expensive in truth - initially going for 100 off 10 overs. But, how we rallied….

I effected a run-out with a camp over-arm throw a teenage girl would have been proud of, the spin twins of Sam – known in cricketing and energy trading circles as ‘Samwise’ and Balders crushed the fight out of the PH. It was Phil Tufnell and Eddie Hemmings all over again. Donovan stepped onto the field having dashed across central London to take a catch for one of two wickets in an over from hairius maximus. ‘The Head’ – as they rather gruesomely call themselves – were in freefall…

Our captain, Martyn - currently studying the mating habits of the four-breasted Jamaican Goolie-Goolie lizard in Chiswick – was at his laconically brilliant self in the field, Dave Allen (having bowled commendably on debut) hared around like an energetic Cornwall surfer with a booming throw and Balders fell over to stop boundaries with his customary poise.

Stewart’s few overs went for 785 runs to his slight disappointment (no scorecard..creative licence) and Dom shuffled in to bag some late wickets as the PH teetered to around 150. Credit must go to President of Lion Global Cricketing Enterprises PLC for bowling with his dodgy ankle that meant his approach to the wicket was not unlike a badger waddling back to its sett after a night out in Blackpool. No idea where I get this stuff from. Anyhow, his late burst wrapped things up and after a slight delay as it got dark, Mark and Martyn ( or Martyn and Mark Martin or Mark Martin and Martyn) went in then got out.

I umpired for 5 overs during which we raced to 15-5 before rallying to around 50 thanks to a quick-fire knock from Donovan and stubborn tail-end wagging from Sam, wielding his bat like a sole lightsabre against the dark forces of the PH.

So, a royal thrashing of the highest order but all good fun and hopefully, I can get down again next week when we can’t possibly lose quite so badly two weeks running…

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